War Stories


"I was about to send search parties after you two," Captain Paul Blaisdell growled as he held the door open for his son and best friend, both of them detectives under him, as well. The three had planned a long weekend at the cabin, but the other two had had to drive up separately and were hours late in arriving.

"We hit a few booboo's on the way here," Kermit Griffin, computer hacker and mercenary turned detective, replied sarcastically, grinning widely.

"It was a nightmare, Paul, I swear all the nuts were out today," Peter Caine, Paul's foster son, groaned, flopping himself into a chair as the older man handed him a beer and poured Kermit a scotch.

"Neither of you were hurt, I trust?" Paul looked from one to the other, neither man liked hospitals, so would likely not admit to being hurt unless they had a limb severed and were bleeding to death.

"We're whole and healthy," Kermit assured him from behind his trademark green shades.

"We hit bad traffic to start with," Peter answered, shaking his head.

"Getting out of the courthouse on a Friday can be murder," Kermit agreed.

"You had trouble getting out of the courthouse?" Paul repeated, not certain he had heard right.

"Since we were leaving right from there, we rode into court together," Peter began, sipping his drink. "I had to testify that Lenny Jones was the one I had busted on that drug charge. He said that since we didn't have a warrant it was an illegal search. I explained that I had probable cause because of the bulge in his jacket. Lenny said that his jacket just fit that way, like the one he had on. The judge asked him to stand up and sure enough his jacket was bulging in the pockets. The judge had the Bailiff examine the jacket; evidently, it was a five kilo bulge of cocaine. The judge had to have a five minute recess in order to stop laughing."

Paul snorted and grinned slightly, "Lenny never was too bright."

"Oh, yeah," Kermit agreed. "We would have been on time if we had been able to leave after that, but someone stole Peter's car; I guess they didn't see the police parking lot sign."

"The Stealth is gone?" Paul asked, concerned. Peter loved that car.

"At least mine wasn't stolen from in front of the courthouse by a pair of juveniles," Peter answered.

"Both of your cars got stolen?" Paul cringed on hearing that the thieves were kids, but maybe Kermit had left them alive, then.

"We got them back, that was part of what took so long," Peter answered, sipping his beer. "I had left my cell phone in the car so I called it, and the guy answered. I lied and told him I had read an ad in the paper and wanted buy the car. He said that was great but he wasn't free to meet until noon. We met at the Wal-Mart parking lot at noon and he got arrested and I got my car back."

"He tried to sell you your own car back?" Paul chuckled.

"I never said he was smart," Peter laughed.

"Too bad he had used it for a bank robbery by then and it's currently locked up as evidence," Kermit smirked.

"Bank Robbery?" Paul blinked, pouring himself a drink.

"Guy hit John Durham's bank; at this point, I think he's more scared of John than he is of the police," Peter chuckled, remembering the look on Paul's friend's face. The MI6 agent turned banker had been furious when he had come to ID the robbers.

"I think I could almost feel sorry for them," the captain smiled, just imagining the things John might do to the miscreants.

"Oh, yeah," Kermit grinned.

"Since you pulled up in it, you obviously got the Kermitmobile back," Paul commented.

"It would seem that Tim and Carl Zammer..." Kermit began

"Who are thirteen year old twins," Peter smirked.

Kermit glared and Peter quieted down.

"Had come to the attention of the police after stealing seventeen cars. They had gone to court and been placed on probation after swearing to the judge that they would never steal another car. But, seeing as they had forgotten bus money to get home, they stole car eighteen, mine." Kermit finished.

"Those two are a crime wave," Paul shook his head in disbelief. "How did you get your car back so fast?"

"We put out an APB for it, and while we waited for the stealth to come home, we got a call that my car had been found in an abandoned field. Strenlich drove us out to collect it. Tim had left his court papers on the seat giving his name and address," Kermit answered.

"Are they still alive?" Paul asked.

"Kermit had a little chat with them about stealing and they are being escorted back to the court where their parents and the judge are waiting," Peter interjected.

"Seems mom and dad had no idea they were stealing cars," Kermit added in disbelief.

"Sounds like you two had quite a morning."

"We hadn't left yet," Peter reminded his dad.

"More went wrong?" the older man goggled.

"It was Murphy's birthday or something," Kermit quipped.

"We were finally on the road out of town and we passed a sign saying meth rocks for sale. I was sure we had read it wrong, so I went back past it four times."

"Someone was selling drugs in a roadside stand?" Paul choked on the sip he had taken of scotch.

"Yep, I called it in and they asked me if since I was a cop and they were short staffed, today, would I mind arresting him."

Paul actually started to giggle.

"So I drove up and told him I wanted to get two meth rocks, he sold them to me and we arrested him. Unfortunately, when he saw my badge he said he was glad I was there because the last cop had sold him some really bad grade rocks," Peter winced.

"Only you, Peter," Paul said, shaking his head.

"The famous Caine luck. I know. We called the state troopers, since technically the guy was past city limits. They took over and have my number when they need it."

"I hope nothing else went wrong," Paul groaned.

"Only a woman playing let's pretend," Kermit smiled like a shark.

Paul raised an eyebrow.

"Seems she was a bit bored and found a police car sitting by the road while the officer was in the bushes communing with nature. She stole it, went to a costume shop and borrowed a police woman's uniform and was pretending to be a cop.

Paul stared in disbelief.

"Evidently she thought Kermit was cute, so she pulled him over," Peter grinned.

"Please tell me she is not going to be wife number three, Kermit," Paul teased.

"No, my gun scared her, but it convinced her to sit quietly until the police could come and reclaim their car.

"Well, you two will need the weekend just to recover from the trip out here, stew's done, so let's eat," Paul offered, getting up from the chair he had been sitting in.

He thought about telling them about the burglar he had found on arriving, who had tried to break in by throwing a cement brick through the window. Too bad he didn't know that Paul had long ago replaced the windows with plexiglas, the brick had bounced off and hit the man in the face knocking him unconscious. But after their trip, the other two wouldn't want to hear about something boring like that.

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