Stupid Fines

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Disclaimer: I am receive no money for this I do it for love of writing.

One of my list sibs on CT mentioned that she and her sister use to fine one another for stupidity, and asked for a story of the guys doing that. A big thanks as always go to Tae the beta monster.


Simon Banks sat, phone held slightly away from his ear, the cigar in his hand had almost snapped in half, a dozen times in the last ten minutes of its life. His glasses were now on his desk, as he was rubbing the bridge between his closed eyes. His headache had gone into what he referred to as 'The Ellison/Sandburg level' which was four levels beyond migraine or two levels beyond commissioner level. They had the added curse of coming instantly; no building up needed, and usually were heralded by a call from the hospital or commissioner. This time it was the commissioner. Lovely. Simon walked to his door and seeing his two detectives entering, smiled and beckoned them in.

"Uh, Jim what does it mean if Simon invites us in without a word? I think the bellowing would be better." Blair looked at his partner nervously.

"Hey Joel, call the paramedics and an ambulance would you, for once we actually have rendered Simon bellow-less." Jim looked forlornly towards Simon's waiting office.

"Guys, only once have I seen him this upset. Forget the paramedics, I'm calling you two a funeral home." Joel shook his head and wished his friends well. This would not be a good scene.

Door closed, both detectives stood at attention; well, Jim did. Blair was trying to decide between sliding under the desk, or hiding behind Jim. Simon was ready. "I just had a very interesting phone call. Would you two care to guess who with or why?"

"I'mreallysorrySimon. It'sallmyfault." Blair began full speed panic babble.

Jim quickly placed a hand over his partner's mouth. "I'm the one responsible sir. Don't listen to a word Sandburg just said. He's occasionally delusional."

"No problem Jim. I didn't understand a word of it anyway. Would you care to explain what happened?" Simon smiled predatorily from his comfortable chair behind his desk.

"Our assignment for the day was partially to include taking the deputy police commissioner from Spokane for a tour of the city, as he had specifically asked to meet me and was here on a trip. Since my truck was thought unsuitable, Sandburg and I reported to the motor pool for a car."

"Simon, it was not Jim's fault. I was the one driving," Blair interrupted, having squirmed free of Jim's hold. "The car pool wouldn't let Jim have a car because of his history with vehicles. They allowed us a car on the stipulation that I drove while Jim played tour guide and pointed out all of the interesting sights we were seeing. And I am not delusional!" Blair glared over at Jim's shaking head.

"Gentleman, the judge in this case, myself, has found you both guilty. Blair you wrecked a city car in a collision with a civilian car." Simon was no longer smiling.

"Sir, it wasn't his fault. He swerved trying to avoid hitting a cat that leaped in front of the car." The taller man leaped to the defense of his partner.

"Jim, he wrecked a city car with a visiting official in it. The cat does not take priority over a visiting deputy commissioner. As for you Jim, the other car's trunk sprang open on the impact. On approaching the car you saw that the trunk had enough guns, money and drugs to qualify as a small independent country. At this point the driver takes off running, and you follow him, without the necessary backup or normal precautions. Luckily, your partner had enough sense to call it in. Said partner then, however, went crazy. He commandeered the nearest available vehicle, a civilian car, appropriated it and took off after you, leaving the visiting deputy commissioner in the wrecked car, waiting for a pick up."

"I said I was sorry, Simon. I was just really worried about Jim losing that guy or getting hurt and my not being able to find him. I returned the car and apologized to the driver." Blair interjected, shame faced, from behind Jim.

"And the Mayor really did appreciate the return of his seventeen-year-old son's car to him. Said you even filled the tank and got it washed for him. Very nice of you. However, you left a visiting official alone, in a city car you had wrecked. Jim was doing his lone ranger act and took on an armed and dangerous felon alone. As I said earlier, I am declaring you both guilty of stupidity."

" Sandburg, "Simon continued, "it was stupid of you to wreck a city car over the life of a stray cat. One of you could have been hurt in that wreck. Jim, never take off after an armed and dangerous felon alone, again. That was extremely dangerous and stupid. Blair, you are never to leave a visiting official unattended or a city vehicle unattended while they are in your charge. Jim, if I ever hear that you have a suspect cornered and have gone in after him alone again, I swear I will suspend you. Am I clear on these instructions people?" A mumbled pair of yes's answered him. "Good. Now I believe Joel and Megan were telling me the other day about a fine system you two have for when you do stupid things. I believe you both owe me about a hundred dollars each. You were both being stupid. So pay up."

"We have an extra set of tickets to the JAG's game Friday if those would be acceptable payment." Sandburg asked, puppy dog eyes in full effect.

"Those would be fine Sandburg. Daryl and I will see you there." Simon smiled as the two men left.

"Chief, I wonder if knows those were for him anyway?"

"Better that, than the fine, man. Now, what should we name the cat, I think we should name him after the panther in the Jungle Book. I mean he looks just like him except smaller." Blair began bouncing as they made plans for the new pet.

"Chief, how about we pick the cat up from the vet's first and find out if it is a he or a she." Jim laughed as they headed for the elevators while trying to grab Blair for a noogie.

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