Insanity Level

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Disclaimer: I make no money from this and only write it for fun. Pet-fly owns all things Sentinel.

One of my wonderful list sibs on CT sent out a list of things one can do to keep stress away. She then challenged us to write a story with the guys using the list. I am putting the list on the bottom of the page.

Here is a story about the guys relieving a little stress.

Much thanks go to TAE for beta reading. And too Lila for posting the list


Looking down at the check written out to him, Simon Banks, captain of major crimes, cringed and reached for his phone. Jim Ellison had finally gone crazy. Maybe someone with a PHD in Ellison could help. Luckily there was one available in Blair Sandburg.

"Sandburg. It's Simon, something is going on with Jim. Call Me." Blair leaped at the phone as he came into his office. "Simon, I'll be at the station in 15 minutes."

Blair ran up the five flights of stairs to major crimes, threw his backpack in the general area of Jim's desk, and went right into Simon's office. "Where's Jim, Simon? Is he zoned somewhere?"

"No. He's sitting in his truck aiming a hair dryer at people passing and laughing as they slow for his 'Speed Trap'. I want to know why, Sandburg. And this is only the latest in his list."

"Speed Trap? That would be # 1 on the list sir." Blair grinned.

"Number 1? What, pray tell, are some of the others?" Captain Bank's was suddenly reminded of his son Daryl when he had pulled a prank.

"Well, Let's see. Insisting his e-mail be changed to Elvis is King."

"Did it about ten minutes after he came in." Simon cringed.

"O.K. answers all requests for favors or information with 'do you want fries with that?"

Simon sighed. "Been doing that all day. Making me crazy. Would replying to statements directed at him with 'That's what you think' and finishing all of his sentences with "in accordance with the prophecies' be in that list anywhere?"

"Yes sir. And I saw that his stapler is hidden and his garbage can is on his desk labeled as in-box. He is definitely following the list." Blair was almost giggling now.

Simon put his glasses on his desk. "This is a list of some kind? I thought he was just getting stressed, so I took him to lunch at Wonder burger, after we went to the cash machine."

Blair smiled again. "Let me guess. He screamed I won I won as the money came out. And proceeded to designate your drive through order as being 'to go'?"

"He's also skipping everywhere, keeping us so informed of his whereabouts that we know which bathroom stall he is in. I don`t believe this! He just came back in and now has the other detective's chair dancing with him. Sandburg, whatever is going on, make it stop. NOW." Simon was almost bellowing by this point.

"Got it Simon. Oh, Did Jim give you our check for the Jags ticket?" Blair asked as he was leaving.

"Yes. But his memo line says it's for certain adult favors."

"Simon, I never would have guessed." The anthropologist was laughing now.

Simon had reached full bellow. "OUT, SANDBURG! Whatever you have to do fix it."

"Right. By-the-by sir, his getting the list was your fault. It came from that stress free office seminar you made him attend."

Simon groaned. He should have known. "The mayor made him attend it, not me. And that still doesn't explain this stuff."

"The pain medication he's on for the bullet wound from a few days ago, they said it would make him a little less inhibited. More apt to do the things he would normally only think of doing." Blair explained quickly.

"Well, just get him out of here until this is over. The cleaning crew is already going to take some placating over the woman with a broom coming up to clean a mess at H's desk, only to have Jim yell that my mother-in-law was here. And they're not pleased about the mosquito netting either." Simon didn't even want to know what the netting was about.

"Right, Simon. I'll take Jim home for that long weekend now." Blair left before Simon could change his mind.

"Have a good one, guys." Simon said to the younger man's retreating back.

No one on saw the smile on Jim and Blair's faces as they entered the elevator and headed for the garage.

"So, Chief, who's making dinner tonight?" Jim asked with a smile.

"Me. I only got half way through the list. You win the bet. Didn't think you could do it. Oh by the way we now have a long weekend and Simon thinks it was the meds." "Sound's good. I've already got the fishing gear in the truck and Wonder burger is on the way out of town."

"Oh no. You are not having that stuff twice in the same day." They left for the weekend, happily arguing about Wonder burger, everything back to normal.


Here is the list on ways to keep stress levels down.

  1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
  3. Insist that your email address is: Xena-Warior-Princess@c or Elvis-is King@c
  4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
  6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
  7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  9. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
  10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
  11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
  12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
  13. Don't use any punctuation
  14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
  16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
  17. Sing along at the opera.
  18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
  19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
  20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. (For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3.")
  21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
  22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
  23. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
  24. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
  25. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
  26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
  27. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
  28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."
  29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
  30. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!" And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
  31. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff

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