Birthday Wars


"Sandburg! Is there a reason that you are getting personal packages here at the department?" Simon Banks, Captain of Cascade Police Department's Major Crime division, glared down at his newest detective.

"I didn't ask for anything to be sent here, and I have not given the address out, so I don't know how I happen to be getting personal mail here. If you give me the mail, though, I promise to let whoever sent it to me know not to do so again." Blair Sandburg, junior detective and guide to the Sentinel of the great city, looked up from his desk and smiled at his boss while taking the package.

"It's from a detective Kermit Griffin in Sloanville. I don't know anyone named Griffin and I have never known anyone in Sloanville, so it can't be too personal," the longhaired detective replied while looking at the package suspiciously. If life with Jim had taught him anything, it was to be cautious of gifts from strangers.

"You want me to call the bomb dogs in just in case?" Simon asked, only half joking.

"Na, let's live dangerously," the younger man answered as he ripped the package open on the end. Bouncing in anticipation, Blair slid the contents of the package out.

"An old calendar? Why would this guy be sending you that?" The captain asked, mentally preparing himself for another adventure he would want no part of.

"It's an old Army Charity Calendar. Evidently all of the proceeds went to the families of soldiers killed in action. May is tagged, so evidently whatever we are suppose to see is on May." Blair was vibrating with excitement, now.

Red, White and Blue Jim by Shar
(manipulated picture by Shar)

"Tell me that is not our very own Detective Jim Ellison wearing the flag and nothing else!" Simon barked with laughter.

"I want that calendar when you are done Sandy," Megan Connor said looking over his shoulder and drooling at some of the men in the pictures.

"Yep, that's our Jim I always knew he was patriotic, but this is beyond even my imagination." Blair laughed.

"Here's a note from this detective Kermit Griffin. He says to use this to make certain that Jim's 40th birthday is memorable. I think we can fill that order." Simon smiled like a shark.

"There's a picture of Jimbo in the altogether?" Megan asked perking up at her desk.

"Detective Sandburg, you are hereby released to go and get as many photos as possible made up of... heh, heh ... Captain May as possible before your partner returns from court.

"Already on it, sir!" Blair called as he grabbed his jacket and calendar and ran out the door laughing.

"Wait up, Sandy, I'm coming with you!" Megan called, out running after the junior detective.

Jim considered going in to ranger mode as he half slinked half snuck up to the Major Crimes floor of the Police Headquarters. Something had happened since he had left work yesterday and his returning from court now. Since he had come in he had received ten phone numbers, eight lip locks, too many whistles to count, and four marriage proposals. Somehow he didn't think it was his new aftershave, either.

The tall senior detective headed for the break room, figuring that would be a safe place to hide until after he figured out what was going on. Probably something Blair had done for his birthday; if that was the case, the kid's body would never be found.

The sentinel never made it out of the doorway. Right there, was a poster-sized picture of the most humiliating experience of his life. It was bad enough losing a bet to Kermit, resulting in his posing for the photos. The actual picture taking hadn't been so bad since his girlfriend was the one taking the pictures. However she had taken some private pictures to finish up the roll, and when the calendar had actually come out, it was one of those she had used.

After that he had made it a policy to leave all his relationships on good terms. An angry Ex-girlfriend could be dangerous. It was the photo from the calendar that was now plastered on the break room wall in poster size. The resulting roar was one that even the prisoners in the basement heard.

"Sandburg! Where the hell did you get this from?" Jim bellowed in a voice that would have done Simon Banks proud.

"It was sent to me by a detective Kermit Griffin with instructions to make your birthday memorable. I do hope we succeeded. By the way, Megan is in love with you, now," Blair chuckled while his partner groaned.

"Froggy, you are going to pay for this," Jim whispered as he started to grin in a why that had criminals confessing to things they had never even thought of doing.


Paul Blaisdell heard his foster son's laughter and decided to go investigate, in case Peter was headed for trouble of some kind, again.

"What's so funny, son?" He asked, coming up to his son and detective's desk.

Peter held up a photo of Kermit Griffin, detective and ex-mercenary in a lurid pose while wearing Kermit the frog bikini briefs.

"Oh lord! Peter, if Kermit finds out you have that picture, he will haul you out and kill you." Paul chuckled at the picture of one of his best friends.

An hour later, Kermit was wondering why everyone was snickering at him as he went to his office. Upon turning on his computer, he was greeted with the sight of the precinct's new screen saver. The 101st precinct was greeted with a deafening roar.

"Ellison! Next year, I will get even with you for this." Kermit growled as he glared at his sergeant June picture.

On hearing Kermit's threat as he passed, Paul just smiled and whispered, "Let the birthday war begin." Both men had razed him mercilessly on his last birthday; sixty was NOT that old. Of course, being the pro that he was, Paul had made certain there was no evidence leading back to him.

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